6 steps to have your children feel understood so they will listen to your advis
Have you ever felt excited to share something with a friend just to have her “one up” you with what she felt was better or worse?
This very thing happened to me last night when a friend of mine came over and I shared a miracle that had happened for me recently. She brushed it off like it was nothing to tell me something she was working on.
I did not feel like she understood me or that she really cared. I pondered, “What was missing from that conversation?”
Stephen R. Covey said, “Seek to Understand before you seek to be Understood.” I didn’t feel understood by my friend. I wondered if I treated others like that too. Did I allow my children to feel understood?
My study began – what was understanding?
The scriptures often associated with the heart. Here are some examples:
|Ye have not applied your hearts to understanding; therefore, ye have not been wise. Therefore, what teach ye this people? (Mosiah 12:27)||Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart? (Job 38:36)|
He hath blinded their eyes, and hardened their heart; that they should not see with their eyes, nor understand with their heart, and be converted, and I should heal them. (John 12:40)
And heart is associated with love. My conclusion: They
feel love when they feel understood. When they feel understood they
trust you. When they trust you they will share more with us and possibly
listen to our advise.
How can we help them feel understood?
First we have to get them to talk, this can be done in an interview style.
4. Remember “the pause” – say nothing when they stop talking, just look interested. This causes a slight discomfort and they will start talking again.
5. Recognize the Clues
When we understand our children they trust us more and we both feel loved.
I learned from my friend who didn’t listen that I CAN be a better listener and help make my children and others feel understood so trust can flourish in that relationships. We can learn listening skills from how God listens to and loves us.
When your children feel understood they trust you
and when they trust you, they open up more and often listen to counsel.